I'm by no means the most interesting person in this world. I know a couple of people who are interesting enough and entertaining, but here's the thing. No one wants to be the one who isn't that person. So you found yourself a bunch of like minded emo kids on the web and myspace says you have one bazilion friends whom you've never met. Don't add me on facebook, i don't want to be your friend. I don't know you. Here, read this and get it out of your system. Nothing can make you whole, you have to already be that way. And if you aren't, a bunch of anonymous people like me cant' do that for you. Bye

It's always been someone or something. I don't think I have a void that needs filling, i think i want a void that needs filling. I'm not broken ... damaged maybe. I substitute people in between other people because i want to need them and i want to be needed back. It can't possibly be healthy, not for me or for the people who i've managed to convince they need me. I let go of them when i think they're getting bored of me, and i find someone new who I assume i can't possibly need ... and then .... then i want to need them. I need all the time. I need them to want me. I want them to need me.

now this stupid fucking bloggy thing wants to work. i JUST opened a bloody myspace account, dammit. Yeah though maybe the myspace one shouldn't be read, i just put it out there cos it was annoying the fucking shit out of me. now lets see if this thing publishes

I dont' believe in this busines, the one of breaking hearts that is, have we all become blinded by the poets of the world who assume that the heart is where everything gets going hence it must be the death of us. I have a theory, the theory goes something like people break people not hearts, so yeah you feel it in your heart first but there's lots more that gets broken. Like after a car crash and broken bones, they heal but they'll never be the same.

 

Everything's gotta heal again, the arms you traced your fingers down, the stomach you caressed, the fingers you linked with yours, the eyes that sparkled with the samed excitement you felt as you looked into them, the lips you once traced with your tongue, the skin you had pressed against your own ... its all gotta heal again, and of course your broken heart. You leave and you leave behind a broken person not just a broken heart.

 

People break people. Not hearts.

 

XXX

Su

Someone please tell me what the foggy i should be doing

if i knew this was how it was gonna end all along, is my current state of non-chalance a facade?

Have you ever been happy? And how the fuck are you supposed to know when you're happy? Do you remember a feeling, and how long does it last? As a generally bitter person i tend not to know these things. I don't know why i'm angry i just am. I'm bitter and i hate everything, it just works for me. I get angry and mad and its over till i find something else to fill my rage. But its all too fucking over rated, the idea of being happy!

 

Really!

 

--

Su

Why would anyone do that? Now while i have probably violated many elf/small peoples laws, i never claimed to be a saint! So HA! DIE FUCKERS DIE!

 

XXXX

Su

PART 1 VOLUME 2

 

It had been a long time since the kiss of death had obsolved The Evil One's reign in the realm of sweet pandemonium, but here she felt something stir deep inside her again. The familiar feeling of pure evil building inside her, chaos was about to explode into that realm once more, and this time that Spirit Warrior Thomas wouldn't get in the way. The Evil Temptress had a new deck of cards to play with; Dannil (half fairy half pixie), small in stature but he was surely the baby faced assassin. Lauri (once friend now foe of The Princess) a dark lord of note, side kick to the vampire hearted Valo. Casually dressed and always in deep conversation (:-P) Lazzara and Bren, mischievous and wicked fairies who do more harm than anything else!

 

Of course The Princess of The Woodland Elves was never going to roll over and play dead (she saved that trick for when her hubby stopped believing she had a headache). She knew The Temptress would eventually come back and was already preparing her army. Mattias had replaced Kartheizer as first in command of the Warrior Pixies, not that Kartheizer wanted to step down but he obeyed every command of his beloved Princess, who had foolishly fallen in love with Mattias (whom she'd stolen from The Evil Temptress). Then there was a rather quiet pixie, with pearly white hair, dark eyes and a naughty evil smile (almost always followed by a-12-year-old-boy laughter). He was one of her favourites, was Gerardus (yes that was his dorky name), all quiet and violent simulataneously. And there would always be the Rockelf Max, greatful and forever indebted to The Princess for freeing him from the spell of The Temptress. Last but hardly least, there was bound to be Kenji ... kenji  ... kenji ...

 

No doubt when the fight begins it will be a gargantuan and epic battle ....

 

To Be Continued

 

 

XXX

Your Blackout Memory

hey peeps, this blog is gonna be an entry by the little goth in training, i created this monster .... "its" (as our friend haydn so calls her) name is Raa, and here is its first blog:

 

Firstly i'm a chicky, secondly i don't know what to say though, except haydn's an arse .  Hello everyone who was at woodstock, i just wanna say i beat you all to the space as the youngest of the lot to have been at woodstock!!!! Thanks to misha for that one, hey mish can i have a pony for my birthday???!!?? I'm gonna be sixteen, this blog is uneventful. I'm going back to sleep, it is after all a sunday morning!

 

 

Back to madam su.

moo moo, go back to studying. Misha if you study today then you don't have to study on sunday (next week) who's up for a post exam party? Say aye!

 

 

 

XXX

Su and Raa

I don't know what got me to thinking about it but i was wondering about being older (supposing i make it past that prime old age of 28). Imagine where you'll be .... great, got it? Now scrap that thought and imagine all the people you know. Currently most of the people i know are studying but i mean you think about things like 'if i was actually studying now and i passed stats on wednesday maybe i'll actually be a financial manager one day'  and then you look at Moo moo and you think if that boy is gonna study and then become an engineer where on earth will he work, and whats an engineer look like? Mikey i can't for the life of me imagine as an engineer, he's just so small and sweet and yes he's just Mikey, i see him in business suit selling insurance  ..., Marc and Kevin and Mark i can't imagine as anything other than engineers while i fear i throw Sebastian in the same pot as Mikey, mostly cos the boy is tiny (petite if you will).  Alan i've never imagined as an engineer he did get the idea in my head of him being some sort of game ranger (though i may not have heard probably and my age makes recollection a weak point) and for some reason i can imagine him doing that. Sean that stupid bastard, dude its a good thing you're not an engineer any longer but, what the fuck do you do with a degree in bloody GeoInformatics????? I mean seriously do a systems analysis of the weather? I remember a Richard .... his dad did horrid things to sheep. He could be an engineer. Priya, now i see her as the mad scientist not necessarily the chemical engineer of the future.

 

Who can really imagine Hina being anything but a mummy, and the minute we get our degrees she's going to say "Su you're old enough to take care of yourself and i'm not making you chocolate biscuits anymore." I can see Billy taking over the world with her Financial Management degree, Richard Branson will find you billy, he'll find you!!! Jeanette will be awesome in the boardroom, i can just imagine her listening to someone's presentation and going "all i hear is blah blah blah i'm a dirty whore ... now go fix it" Jo will inevitably be studying part time to become a journalist despite her father's wishes. Sam will be an interesting person to see in the future, i've never imagined her doing anything more than watching rugby?! That rounds off the commerce people.

 

Ah the lawyers, Thuli, Avani, Vee and Melissa, well the good thing is when i'm in trouble (which i inevitably will be) i shall have peeps to helps me out. All of them are much too quiet to ever yell at anyone ... good thing lawyers are civilized these days. Untill Avz comes to join me at the circus, its all rather final once your degree is in your hands and you no longer have to pass stats.

 

Doctor Braude, wow! Now that is something, i shall never trust a crazy person again. Undoubtedly Misha would have driven me insane and i would need a shrink and he'll recomend a looney friend of his and i'll become even more crazy and the cirus will abandon me and it'll be back to the boardroom with me. Its all too much to take in.

 

*sigh*

 

XXX

Su

You know my friend Billy told me the other day in one of her gangsta moments (i'm trying to teach the kid the ways of the rocksta but its taking time), she said "People will stab you in the back, your boyfriend will stab you in the heart but your friend will be the one holding the knife to stab those mother fuckers right back!" How profound indeed.

 

I dig billy, she's a good kid (she is only 17, even charlie is older than her!)

 

XXX

Madam Su

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In life you sure do get your fair share of cock-ups, i mean really for reason that you could possibly fathom (mostly cos you're pretending to be a good girl for santa) you get shot by some unmarked sniper. Not enough to kill you cos that would just be to fucking perfect, instead it merely injures you, wounding part of you eternally (undoubtedly the heart that loves is located elsewhere to your heart that keeps you alive) and by part i mean that part that beats and loves etc etc blah blah blah.  But yeah i mean what on earth is up with that. Surely if i've been a nice person (which i am :-P) you deserve nicer treatment in life, not just some random attacks that you're not expecting just whenever the fuck it decides that you're next and i may yet again have lost my point, but i'm angrier now than when i starting writing this so i think its time to stop before i have another one of my mini explosions (its not gas i swear ...)

 

XxXx

Su

jo, thanks for the earrings they're uber awesome and the ultimate catalyst those infamous handcuffs bracelet. Hina and Billy, gangstas you guys are becoming real rockstas I'm so proud of you ... that and thanks for the cap and tie, i love the sentimentality of it all ... nancy, god there's a whole shit load of stuff i gotta thank you for; like basically everything for the whole year! Vee, god when did you have time to think up the stuff you do, the bracelet is so cool and really special, Mel ... you're a star babes love that and you know DYSLEXICS HAVE MORE FNU! And Pops, Tekilla is so pretty she'll have lots of fun with Poks (thanks for that goes to superstar Misha!).

 

THANKS FOR ALL THE BIRTHDAY SMSES AND PHONE CALLS EVERYONE!!! Moomoo, Hina, Dee and Lee and Misha and Pops and

Vee and Mel and Raa, Judy Aunty and Jayna, like freaking everyone that i'm forgetting too. Oh shit mommy and daddy and Vicky and Nancy too.

 

AND NOW LAST BUT NOT LEAST: oh bloody hell i can't possibly thank misha enough for my i-deck AND the nano. Like i'd buy a billboard to say thanx but i think i can't find one big enough. Thank you so so so so soooooooooooooo much.

 

If i  forget someone SORRY. But yeah cool, like you guys lots ...

 

XxXx

Sugarplum fairy

still alive, dude why the fuck aren't you dead yet? will you just stop prolonging the inevitable and die dammit!!!

 

so i got oodles of cool prezzies and i'd like to thank everyone personally, so to Jeanette and Quinton THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH for the chocolates .... god i'll finish this in another blog, i'm hungry and going to eat!